'Absolutely' Inescapable: A Haiku Poem News Brief

A verbal virus?
'Absolutely' overused
Sign of unsure times?

Read more about the virulent spread of 'absolutely' here.

"The Happening": A Haiku Poem Movie Review

Try The Happening!
Everyone hates this movie!
But I disagree!

Creepiness abounds!
Way better than The Village!
Leaves much mystery.

Eerie ambiance
Windy fields sinister
Thought provoking end.

Wahlberg against type
As thoughtful science teacher
In likable role.

Unfairly lumped with
Other Shymalan failures
Best since The Sixth Sense!


The Happening stars Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel and John Leguizamo. Read the critics' merciless ripping of The Happening here.

Home Sweet Home: Thursday's Haiku Challenge

This week's haiku challenge is about where you live! What rocks about your apartment or house? What makes you wish you could move immediately? What makes it uniquely your space? Do you share it with roommates, a spouse, a parrot? Write a haiku about where you dwell and post it here!

Lawn guys broke my door!
Someone steals my tomatoes.
HOA rules suck!

Heated bathroom tiles
Painted stripes on bedroom walls
Plenty of side walks!

I decided to list the good with the bad. Write a haiku about where you dwell and post it here!

Michelle Obama's "Short" Shorts Controversy: A Haiku Poem News Brief

Headline on Today—
I expected much more skin!
"Shorts" are not that short!

Tastefully youthful!
Hope she's not wearing flip flops!
Now that's a problem!

The way The Today Show was talking about this I expected a loincloth! Read more about the raging controversy surrounding Michelle Obama's shorts here.

Flip Flops Disease-Ridden: A Haiku Poem News Brief

Carefree summer shoes
Or germ-ridden foam of death?
Flip flops are germy!

Staph germs found on them
Old Navy hopes no one knows!
Worse on city streets!


Between the coke on money and the germs on your foam harbingers of death, what is safe to touch? Read more about the flip flop health crisis here.

Cocaine on 90% of US Bills: A Haiku News Brief

Traces on most cash
Snorters, dealers, ATMS
Gotta wash your hands!

Too little for high
Tellers could fail drug tests!
But no real health risk!

Find out more about this surprising discovery here.

"500 Days of Summer": A Haiku Poem Movie Review

Sadly lovestruck Tom
And quirky but cold Summer
Chart 500 days!

Non-linear plot,
Likable performances,
Unique directing!

Love story rings true
Rom-com with added whimsy
Muses about fate!

I truly loved this movie! Read more reviews of "500 Days of Summer," starring Zooey Deschanel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Clark Gregg, and Minka Kelly here.

Thursday's Challenge: Breakfast Haiku Poem

Sick of cereal
Pink popsicles for breakfast!
More nutritious lunch?

Okay, that's my example. Now it's your turn! Today's haiku challenge is to write about what you had for breakfast! Was it the same yummy oatmeal you've been having for years? Was it a sugary Pop Tart? Plain toast? Whatever it was, turn it into a haiku and post it here!

Haiku Poem Advice to the Woman Who Tried to Deface the Mona Lisa

No need for violence!
If you don't like a painting
leave the museum!

But you're not alone
Two attacks in'56
But she smiles last!

Read more about the woman who tried to deface the Mona Lisa here.

Bumpaholics: A News Haiku Poem

Bigger families—
Is pregnancy addictive?
Just ask mom Nadya.

Baby bumps equal
Attention, purpose and food!
Cure for postpartum?


Read more about the supposedly addictive qualities of pregnancy here.

"Confessions of a Shopaholic": A Haiku Poem Movie Review

Is the shopping mall

where you purchase a new self?

Or where you get lost?

Fans of Devil Wears Prada,

Legally Blonde and Clueless

will enjoy this film.

Fisher is charming in

Light look at heavy issue—

the perils of debt!

I laughed at Becky's

Passion for sale shopping

Because it was me!

A gentle push for

finding oneself through hard work—

laughing all the way!

Confessions of a Shopaholic stars scene-stealer Isla Fisher as Becky, a shopping-addicted journalist whose crippling credit card debt forces her to take a job at a financial advice magazine. See more reviews here.

Spot versus Junior?
Dogs as smart as two year olds!
Except afghan hounds!

Dog kindergarten
Would include counting and words
Along with nap time.

Makes me feel sorry for afghan hounds, though they're cute anyway! Read more here about the genius of dogs.

GI Joe: A Haiku Poem Move Review

Made-up weaponry
The gadgets are the real stars
Mites that eat metal?!?

Oh the memories!
Scarlett and Deathstro are here
Along with Snake Eyes!




Cheesy nostalgia
So check your brain at the door
And take a fun ride!

See more reviews of this thinly plotted yet enjoyable summer flick here.

My Brother's Comments on Bill Clinton's Heroics: A News Haiku Poem

Later, on the plane—
Do you think he got weird there?
'Try on this beret'?

* My brother's thoughts about Bill Clinton rescuing two female American journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, from North Korean prison, paraphrased into haiku poem format.

Found Haiku Poem: Song Lyrics

Since I began this blog, I've been wondering if any song lyrics fit the haiku poem format without alterations.

The answer is very few do, if any.

And taking the song lyrics out of the context of the whole work really changes their meaning and emotional charge.

This morning, though, I came up with one, through a random moment of I-Pod bliss while walking my dog Marley. "Save It For Later" by the English Beat, a mild 80s hit, contains three lines that indeed fit into the 5, 7, 5 syllable pattern:

Save it for later
Don't run away, let me down
Sooner or later

Do these lyrics, isolated like that, make any sense?

Not really.



You have to invent a story to go with it, like a jilted boyfriend or girlfriend who know their going to get left. The "save it for later" sounds a bit more hopeful to me, but when you hit the "sooner or later," they know heartbreak is around the corner.

Other haiku lyrics can be found in "Under the Bridge" by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry.

What does it mean to kiss someone "windy"? Don't ask me; I'm not Anthony Kiedis. But it's great that it's open to interpretation. Since we end on "I never worry," the sort of depressed mood of the song as a whole is totally gone. But if you take these three lines, you get a totally different vibe, closer to the original song's intent:

Together we cry
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day

Same song, a line taken from the verse and two from the chorus, totally different sounding haiku.



Haikus embedded in existing songs are hard to find and totally change the meaning of the lyrics. Find any yourself? Share them here!

Haiku Poem How-To Written in Haiku

Writing a haiku

Can seem daunting but relax!

It's not hard to do.

Select a topic—

your favorite ice cream flavor,

the state of your socks.

Count your syllables—

three lines of five, seven, five

is the final goal.

Try a twist ending.

Use a thesaurus if stuck.

Better with practice!

My inspiration here is mylittlebecky, who commented that she liked reading haiku poems, but couldn't write them "satisfactorily." My view is that haikus (and all poetry, really) should be fun to write. I wouldn't get hung up on perfection--that's what revisions are for. The beauty of the haiku is the short format allows you to write a complete poem quickly, and syllable limitations lead to unexpected word choices. All fun and games, in my opinion!

To the Family Living Alone in the 32 Story Condo: Haiku Advice

Alone in condo
Recession-induced Shining
Intruders at night!

Make like Home Alone!
Camp in the elevator!
Bowl in the hallway!

You'll miss the quiet
When the economy turns!
Home alone no more.

Read more about the plight of the lonely family here.

Haiku Op-Ed - Latisse

Who will pay for this?
Mascara works fine for me!
1400 bucks!

Latisse actually became available for sale in February, but the commercials I've been seeing for it seem new. Being lash-less, completely, probably does cause some medical problems, like getting debris in your eyes or dry eyes. But is insufficient lash lushness really a cosmetic issue serious enough to merit medical intervention? That insurance companies will not cover? I guess the answer in the eye of the beholder.

Read more about the ground-breaking medical miracle that is Latisse here.

Somehow, I don't think the application of Latisse is the only thing they've
done to to this previously lashless lady.

Haiku Movie Review: "Serenity"

To my brother Mike—
Who gave me Serenity
Watched it finally!

TV show spinoff
From the writers of Buffy
My brother loved it!

Earth was dead
Two hours of space fighting—
My brain was dead, too.

I paused and rewound—
Fugitive bro and sister
Cruise space with outlaws.

Cast of cute unknowns
Several clever one liners—
But I was spaced out.

I will have your back
Like the siblings in this film
But our tastes collide!

Thanks anyway, Mike!
I won't make you watch Clueless
If you don't get mad!

Haiku News Brief: Divorce Really Hurts!

Marrieds healthier
Split toll more than broken heart
Remarriage no help!

Husbands give money
Wives get their men to doctors
For both: less bar time!

Read the details about divorce can hurt your health here.

Does It Have to be MY Village? A Story in Haikus

I have a problem
Age six and relentless
Her name (really)—Fierce.

Fierce is my neighbor
You'd guess she lives by herself—
Pays bill, makes dinner.

Skinny as a weed
Pink Hannah Montana dress
Who names their kid Fierce?

Where are her parents?
Maybe Fierce thinks they're hiding
Behind my front door.

Knocks for ten minutes
She tries to hug the mail man
Comes back to my door

She wants me to play
But I want to paint my toe nails
Read Elle, watch Juno

I feel guilty then—
Mad I'm made to feel guilty!
Do they know she's here?

Whose problem is this?
I want a better world, too
It's my summer break!

Ambushed in my house!
It has to take a village?
She's knocking again!

Minimum Wage Hike: A Haiku News Brief

Seventy more cents!
But will it hurt employers?
Or spur consumers?

My take:

Bosses feel the pinch,
But strapped for cash will spend more.
And everyone wins.

Find out more about the minimum wage increase here.

Haiku Movie Review: "He's Just Not That Into You"

A selection from my Netflix Que:

"He's Just Not That into You": a romantic comedy starring Ben Affleck, Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly and Jennifer Aniston:

Dating advice book
Stretched into too many plots.
Not that into it!

Huge star studded cast
Cliched faux feminist end
Passed off as modern

Scarlett: typical!
Justin Long as a heart throb?
Goodwin deserves more.

Read other critics' opinions here.

Chris Brown Needs a New Day Job

Chris Brown issued a public apology today for assaulting fellow pop singer and girlfriend Rihanna. Brown, poised to assume the King of Pop mantle prior to the incident, deserves kudos for owning up to his mistakes, but now he needs to retreat from the media and pop music. Not because he's a reprehensible person (which none of us knows him well enough to say whether he is or isn't), but because of his particular line of work: playing heart throb to legions of middle school girls.

Love songs sound twisted
Coming from an abuser!
Tween girls influenced.

While his on-air apology may help other young men in his position seek help and change their behavior, Brown's fan base is primarily young girls and for him to court them again is in very poor taste. Allowing Brown to promote a new album on television or in the press implies that all is forgiven, and given how difficult it already is for many teenage girls to disentangle themselves from abusive boyfriends, this vulnerable demographic doesn't need the mixed message.

Chris Brown's apology is the best thing he could have done to stop other young men from making his mistakes. His statement should be the last we hear from him.

Starbucks Update #2

Two of my favorite things are coming together and hopefully will deliver some holiday yumminess!

Project Runway Champ
fashioning New Starbucks Drink!
Hope not a "hot mess!"

The results of this collaboration between Christian Soriano and the 'Bucks will be announced tomorrow!

Mugs with Heidi's face?
Blah! But a Tim Gun latte?
That would "make it work!"


http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/07/christian_siriano_is_collabora.html

The Only Starbucks Fan in America

Many people may consider Starbucks an evil corporation, but as someone who needs to keep her BFL (Blood Frappacino level) high at all times, I have been distraught over the company's recent troubles. While I do feel the pain of urban Mom and Pop coffee shops, for those of us who get most of our coffee off a highway exit or in the local mall, just the thought of Pumpkin Spice puts a smile on our faces.

Suburban Starbucks
Aren't hurting the little guy!
Only McDonald's.

So I wish them well with their latest marketing strategy, which involves redesigning their stores so that they could be mistaken for non-corporate entities, with names like 15th Avenue Coffee and Tea Shop. Some of these new shops will serve beer and wine.

Keep my 'Bucks the same!
I might wander to Dunkin'
By mistake! So sad.

Unlike me, many are enraged about this admittedly sneaky tactic. These people don't want to be tricked into going to Starbucks when they think they're getting some really cool indie hipster coffee, despite the obvious deliciousness of The Man's frothy drinks.

In particular, one local business owner in Seattle claims that the redesigned Starbucks are "stealing her ambiance," though it seems unlikely she would compete with Starbucks for business.

Why so serious?
Lattes VS pint glasses?
Your place is a pub.

Best of luck, Starbucks!
Disguising my local branch?
Please give a heads up!

One more suggestion:
Recycling for cups in shops!
A greener brew source.

Team Aniston VS Team Jolie

The Marquee Blog reports that poor Jennifer Aniston continues to feel the burn from husband-stealer Angelina Jolie. Forbes magazine alerted the world that on their list of the world's most powerful celebrities, Angelina was tops while Jen only came in a paltry number eight. To add insult to injury, Jolie out-earned Aniston by $2 million dollars last year.

It gets worse for the former Rachel:

"In the survey, conducted by E-Poll for WEtv network, almost 900 women between the ages of 18-49 were asked who they liked most between Angelina, Jennifer, Paris Hilton, Natalie Portman and Diane Sawyer.

Angelina came in first with 49 percent. Jennifer ranked second at 36-percent. At least she beat Paris (6 percent).

Angie beats Jen in another poll released by Heat magazine. This one reportedly asked fans (presumably female) whose body they envied most. Angelina came in fifth, Jennifer sixth. “Transformers” hottie Megan Fox took the top spot."

Of course this news merits a pair of haikus:

Is it the tattoos?
Or the orphan collection?
A new 'do for Jen?

Watch out, Jolie-Pitt.
Fox is a decade younger
And out-grosses you.

According to these stats, anyway:
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/people/chart/?id=angelinajolie.htm
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/people/chart/?id=meganfox.htm

Tips for Getting the Creative Juices Flowing

All writers find their fingers and minds atrophied by writers' block from time to time. Writing a haiku every day means I need to work through writer's block often. If you're trying to write a haiku, a short story, a snappy thank you card, or anything else, and find you're doing a lot more staring at the computer screen than typing, these tips might help you unthaw your creative talents!

1) Do Something Else. Sometimes sitting in front of a dormant piece of writing is only frustrating. I've found that an activity that occupies my body or hands (going for a run, cleaning, a few mindless hours of desktop Solitaire) but leaves my mind free can help knock loose a few ideas. Click off the monitor and take a walk.

2) Or Follow a Routine. Trying writing at the time of day when you're naturally most focused and fresh. Setting down with your notebook or at your computer at the same time of day can become a mental cue to your brain that it's time to work.

3) Switch Paragraphs. Or lines or articles or whatever. If one particular spot of a story, poem or paper is causing your mental meltdown, put in a place holder (a bold sentence you won't miss when you eventually submit a good copy of your work, saying something like INSERT GENIUS IDEA HERE) and move on to the next. In a larger work you might even make such a drastic move as skipping whole chapters, but so what? Working on another part might make sense of what should come before it.

4) Don't Censor Yourself. When you're really stuck, any idea should be considered a good one. Brainstorm or free write without omitting anything you think of. You never know when an idea you once considered a clunker will come in handy.

5) Seek help. Sharing your work with other writers or friends might yield some great new ideas. Find an online community or in-person writers' group to get some feedback. Or just talk out your ideas and what you've written so far with a buddy.

6) Switch Formats. If your haiku were a news article instead, what would you include? What if your short story were a play? What if your toast was going to be written in thank you note? Experimenting with your work in a different format might provide you with a fresh perspective.

7) Don't Beat Yourself Up. Berating yourself for your lack of written output will only make things worse. You're in good company; both F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ralph Ellison were notorious sufferers of writer's block. Your block will break eventually, too.

Palin quits early!
New baby named Wolverine?
Levi: cash calling.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/10/politics/main5149480.shtml

Non-News Haiku

The good folks at Kashi have penned a haiku to promote their yummy and not too bad for you food. Here is what I found printed on my Chicken Rustico sandwich box:

Heavenly pocket
All natural ingredients
Soft baked whole grain bliss

Does your favorite food or product merit a haiku in its honor? Post them here!

17 Syllable News Update - Holy Smoke!

Army may ban smokes.
Necessary stress relief
or winded soldiers?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/12/military.smoking.ban/index.html

Obesity Crisis 17 Syllable News Update

"Blubber Belt wraps South"
Hot and humid in the shade
Fast food meets cobbler

Michalel Jackson 17 Syllable News Update

Ten Xanax a night
Is nine too many, Jacko!
A criminal case?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/10/jackson.thursday/index.html

17 Syllable News Update

Angry Tehran crowd
That remembers '99
Militia fights back